Two-thousand and eighty hours of the year, I force my personality into my pocket. I zip up my charisma. I contain my innovation and turn off my initiative. I force the unauthentic me I’ve created into work every Monday and hope she plays nice for the week.
Sometimes, she doesn’t.
Sometimes the leader in me steps on toes. Sometimes the passion in me overwhelms co-workers. Sometimes, I get some of my self, on myself and it rubs off on someone, and at my job, that’s too much.
That’s when they remind me: “In the grand scheme of things, your perspective doesn’t matter.”
On some level, I appreciate the reminder. After I recover from the ego’s I’ve bruised with my assertiveness and the peers I have intimidated with my conjecture, and the boss I’ve made uneasy with my frustration, I eventually manage to tuck myself back in. I manage to remember that it is a place where it is not about better or efficient or innovative. It is about getting it done. Nothing more.
For some people, this kind of work environment, well, works. They don’t need to inject who they are into what they do – in fact, it takes effort for them to assert themselves, that they would rather not generate. Thank God for those people.
I’m just not one of them.
I need a job where when I have an idea, someone is willing to hear it. When I want to do something because it will make things better, I want it to be embraced. When I am happy, passionate, apologetic – I want a job that allows me to insert that into my work and produce something that translates those feelings to people who need them.
I need a job where, well… My perspective does matter.
As do most of us.
And it’s not unreasonable to expect a boss that challenges us and encourages us and rewards us for our innovation, initiative and charisma. It’s not unreasonable to expect to not have a boss. We’ve just been taught to believe it is.
I am slowly starting to discover, either you blend in, or you don’t.
Just so happens I don’t.
And I don’t want to be forced to anymore.
And very soon.
I won’t.
Happy Wednesday.
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{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }
In other words: Trials & tribulations of a beautiful articulate woman that’s working with a set of miserable ugly bitches that lack intelligence and charisma.
I swear it’s like my old boss opened up a satellite office in Atlanta and you’re working in it… that describes my former gig all the way. Mediocrity at its best, I called it.
I looked at corporate america and realized that i needed to seperate myself from my work. perhaps i am apathetic but I do it to pay the bills. don’t get me wrong i have a decent gig. allows me to work out and my boss may actually listen to me from time to time., at least he makes me think he is listening.. haha.. anyway hopefully you find something you that fits you better.. piece and blessings.